Discussion of "The Business of Being Born" has begun!

-" 'If I could do that I could do anything.' That's the POWER of birthing, and THAT is what we are taking away from women."

-Giving birth, “This is what it could be if you trusted it. If you believed in this woman. If you believed in her body and her ability.”

-“There really is no informed consent from these women..”

-“People in our culture spend more time and effort researching to buy a car stereo system…than they do checking out what their choices are for birth.”


I am a fifty-one year old woman, am still fertile and have had more than one abortion in my lifetime. I knew from a very young age that I did not want to be a mother, that I had no more interest in having children than I did in being an astronaut or in pole vaulting. I have never felt any maternal yearnings or instincts. Throughout my adulthood when this subject arose and I made my feelings clear the most common reaction was that of surprise and disbelief. “Oh, you’ll change your mind, you’ll see.” people would say. Unbelievably , I had this same experience less than a month ago. I am half a century old and people still think I am going to change my mind!

I am not. However, I have to tell you that watching this film brought up a lot of feelings and thoughts that were very new to me.

Foremost, how could I have grown up as a female in a ‘modern’ society, with a high level of education and access to information and yet have been TOTALLY in the dark regarding the process of birthing. How could I not have questioned the system of mechanized birthing and ‘obstetric intervention’ that exists in our country? How did I, Miss Gotta-know-the-real-deal-behind-every-door, TOTALLY miss the boat on this one? I never questioned the system. Never asked how, what, or why. I can let myself off the hook a little by saying that as I never intended to give birth why should I do the research. But that doesn’t cut it for me. I allowed myself to be duped, hoodwinked, brainwashed. The only picture I had in my head of giving birth was of a woman screaming in agony as a bunch of medically clad humans yelled at her to PUSH, goddamnit, PUSH! Lying on a cold white sheeted table, vulnerable, exposed, and totally dependent on a doctor, usually male, to get this thing out of her once and for all. Followed by "thank god that hellacious experience is over." Never thought about it, never questioned it, never cared.

Man, did this film blast open my world . It was if I was being forced to wake up from a dream, a BAD dream at that, and be dragged into the reality, the beauty, the awe, the truth that I had never seen and it hurt! It hurt like hell to realize that all my views and conceptions about the process of having a baby were wrong. That it could all be very different. It could be private and intimate, loving and warm. It could be sensuous, emancipating. It could be bliss. It could be an experience worth having, worth remembering, worth anticipating. It could be an experience that puts me in touch with the living universe in a way that could change me and enhance my connections to and understanding of nature.

Had I been aware of all this, had I known what I was missing, would my decisions have been any different? Would I have chosen to give birth and have the child be adopted? My mind has reeled with the impact of these questions. I watched the film a second time with my partner David and I cried a lot. Cried for what I missed out on, the experience I will never have.

So I said to David, "You know, I could still probably do it. I could get pregnant, give birth, and give the child to parents who would love it." Together we pondered this, we let our imaginations fly, thought about a couple we know who are looking to adopt, how would it feel to give them a baby. Ultimately I decided, no, I do not wish to do this.

In the past, I chose not to give birth to and or raise a child. And now I choose it again. But this time with full, informed consent.

And THAT is empowering.