Anna - "He shouldn't have come."
Jorgen - "No, but we can't control everything in the world..."
I am feeling very emotional as I write this, having just watched ‘After The Wedding’ for the 3rd time. Each viewing I find more touching and gut wrenching than the last. As I come to know the characters and am able to watch each scene with the precognition of their futures at my disposal every detail takes on new meaning and exposes far more depth than I could have imagined on first viewing.
Susanne Bier, the Danish director, also wrote the story, which was then scripted beautifully by Anders Thomas Jensen and photographed by Morten Soborg in 2006, two years after her film ‘Brothers’ was released in 2004. (I can’t recommend ‘Brothers’ highly enough!!!)
As most of you who are reading this will have already watched the film I feel no need to reiterate the plot , my only wish is to express my personal reactions and to begin a dialogue with others who want to share their own responses.
The main characters are Jacob who works in the orphanage in India, Pramod the little boy he has befriended, Jorgen the Danish billionaire, his wife Helene and their daughter Anna.
As I watched this time I found myself struck most by some particulars in the dialogue which seemed to reveal to me their story. I’d like to share my notes with you in the order they were taken:
Jacob: …and I have to go all the way to Denmark and shake somebody’s hand, then he takes a photo and shows all his friends that he’s done something really good.
Mrs. Shaw (head of the orphanage):This is not up for discussion…you’ll go there and wear a suit and smile all the way…this is our last chance or we close…please, you owe the children that much.
(Conversation with kids in the orphanage)
Pramod: ...you hate all the rich, Mr. Jacob...
Other kid: ...Is it because the houses are far apart that people are far apart?
Jacob: … I’ll be back for your birthday, I promise… I’ll only be away for eight days ….
Pramod: …you’re not coming back; I know it…go away...go away… (He runs to Jacob and hugs him). Perhaps you take me there one day…
Jacob: ...Perhaps...
(In one of their initial business meetings together)
Jacob: …what do you want?
Jorgen: …I’m just a good person….
(After the Wedding, it’s early A.M., Jorgen is still awake outside by himself. Helene comes out and they speak a little about what happened. Jorgen says he knew nothing of Jacob’s identity beyond a business context.)
Helene: …He shouldn’t have come….
Jorgen: …No, but we can’t control everything in the world.
(In drunken lunch scene with Jacob)
Jorgen: (To waiter who refuses to serve them more alcohol because they are drunk)…Policy? If you want to get on in this world you need to make decisions...When you break policies you show decisiveness…
(The scene in the study at home)
Helene: ...Would you please tell me what all this is about?...
Jorgen: (With a look condescension and pain that blew me away) …I couldn’t be bothered…
Helene: …You can’t just run our lives in your sick head…
Jorgen: (Mimics her cruelly then starts screaming)…What have I done wrong here? Tell me what I’ve done wrong…
(Scene ends with dizzying shots of all the stuffed animal heads in the study staring at him with piercing eyes.)
(A later business negotiation.)
Jacob: ...What do you get out of this?
Jorgen: Nothing, I get to keep my good life. I buy remission for my sins and … we’re almost family.
(Jacob confronts Helene alone at her home.)
Jacob: I want to know what’s going on? ...If it’s one of your games I want it to stop…
Helene: Stop being paranoid. You don’t have to be poor to have good intentions. There are people with money and ideals.
Jacob: Really? I’d like to meet one.
Helene: Hello, Jacob.
Jacob: Give me a break, you’ve never had any ideals…What does he want?
Helene: I don’t understand it Jacob.
Jacob: Do you know something I don’t?
Helene: No, I don’t.
Jacob: That’s all I wanted to know…
(Next scene outside, the two of them sitting on stairs together, talking about their breakup, now at some peace, their friendship renewed.)
Jacob: …But we didn’t…
(She then strokes his arm tenderly as was shown in his memory twice in the early scene in India.)
(Scene with Helene and the mother in kitchen.)
Mother: (Having learned that Jorgen has lent his private chauffer to Jacob). It seems he’s giving it all to that Jacob…
(Notice as the light dawns in Helene’s mind, the terrible fear that suddenly shows in her eyes as she begins to GET IT…then runs thru the house searching, eventually finding Jorgen’s morphine. Now she knows Jorgen is dying.)
Helene: You had promised him (the doctor) to tell me ‘After the Wedding’ ……
Jorgen: … I want to let it be for now…
Helene: …You don’t have the time…We’ll figure this out, there’s always a solution…
Jorgen: …There’s nothing to do.
Helene: ...Yes there is…
Jorgen: (Screaming now) …There’s NOTHING, do you understand?!!!
Helene: ...You can’t die!
Jorgen: We don’t get to decide!
(On phone)
Pramod: ...So you will come for my birthday?
Jacob: I promise.
Jacob: (Looking at final contract.) What does this mean? … The part where it says I have to live in Denmark?
Jorgen: …It’s a demand on my behalf…
Jacob: Why should I do that?
Jorgen: Because I said it’s a demand on my behalf…Have I said anything I don’t mean?
(Silence. They stare at each other.)
Jacob: Maybe everyone else kisses your ass but I won’t…you want to buy me….
Jorgen: Think how many people you could help … ($12 million) … wouldn’t you sell yourself for that? ...I know all about you, you’re a good person … all your sweet little kids will be on the street again…
Jacob: …You fat pig...is it fun playing God? You big fat pig…you can kiss my ass.
(Jacob has left, Jorgen chases him outside, by the canal, now frantic, the tables have turned, and Jorgen is now the beggar.)
Jorgen: (crying) …Look at me Jacob…don’t you see that there is a point to all this? (Jacob turns and walks away again and Jorgen pleads with him, crying out) Do I have to live on the other side of the world to get your help?
(Jacob has made his decision and calls the orphanage with tears in his eyes.)
Jacob: I’m not coming back Mrs. Shaw, I have to stay here.
There are a few scenes showing him and Anna and Helene bonding, becoming a family, he is there for them during the crisis of Anna leaving her husband.
Scene in boardroom where the contracts are being signed, Jacob shakes Jorgen’s hand, they look deeply into each others eyes with respect and a warm heartfelt smile, they have become equal partners in this play.
Anna and Jorgen confront his illness together.
(Birthday party, the last hurrah, Jorgen expresses his appreciation and thanks to all the people in his life during a dinner speech.)
Jorgen: Every acquaintance, every friend, every person who has a place in your heart...it is the time with them that really means something…nothing else matters…
Jorgen: …and I would like to propose a toast to the future!!!!
(Back in Jorgen and Helene’s bedroom, he’s obviously sick and dying)
Jorgen: …You don’t need me anymore Helene; everything is taken care of now, right? (He asks her about Jacob, does she think they will get together?) I would like to know…
Helene: Stop!
Jorgen: I didn’t want you to see me like this…can you manage?
Helene: Yes…
Jorgen: …I’m so damn pathetic… (In anger and terror) I don’t want to die!! ... I don’t want to die…Damn it...Goddamn it!!.....
WHY??????
Scene of funeral, Jorgen zips up boy's jacket, clasps Helen’s hand, consoles Anna, it’s his family now.
(In India again, Jorgen asks Pramod if he wants to come back to Denmark with him.)
Pramod: …I don’t think so. I want to stay here. Everything is so good here now. I don’t want to leave that…you don’t like people there…you said so yourself…
Jorgen: But…
Pramod: ...You can come visit. (Hugs Jacob and goes out to play with his friends.)
Jorgen watches them play, feeling the loss, and then smiles, at peace with his decisions. Indian music plays.
THE END.
For the third time, I am so blown away by the pain, anger, honesty and truth that Jorgen expresses in the bedroom scene and Helene’s reactions to it. I have never seen anything on film that shows the depth, horror and reality of such an intimate personal and inescapable experience. To be able to glimpse, to almost touch the last precious, excruciating minutes shared between two loved ones during these end stages of illness, the final moments of our lives. I am in awe. I am crying and can’t imagine how I can write.
I have fallen in love with these characters. I doubt I will forget them anytime soon. This movie has indeed changed my DNA. (See KEY.)
January 31, 2008
Discussion of 'After the Wedding' has begun! ( To read all Comments click here!)
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21 comments:
Looking forward to commenting over the weekend...By the way, Lee - your summary/discussion/review is truly amazing, as well as a great synopsis to "remind" me of all the details - some forgotten - in this very very good film!! See you online soon...Marc
I'd say the following about the film After the Wedding:
EOS
LLI, and I'll add my own for this:
LEM (Loved Every Minute). Thanks for your list of movies. So far 2 for 2.
An Open Letter to Jorgen:
This was a beautiful film that brought me to tears, until I thought about how much I disliked the kind of man you are.
Yes, you married a gal (Helene) even though she had a baby by another man. Sure, you are able to produce adorable blond twins. Sure, you seem to be a good father to your twins, a caring son and a successful businessman.
But you have manipulated the people in your family since you have known Helene. Manipulation of people may be good in business, but you, sadly, do not know the difference between your business and your family. Even at your birthday party you mixed your pride in your family with your pride in your business accomplishments. Didn't you notice your wife giving you the evil eye when you merged your family and business lives so completely?
You don't trust your daughter to marry a good man ("She'll get married lots of times" you say). In fact you let her marry a man who is flirting with your receptionist just a few days before the wedding! And don't tell me you didn't know about that!Why didn't you stop her from getting married, or at least tell her or her mother the truth?
How dare you entrust your loved ones to a man you and they have never met before (Helene and Jacob were an item so long ago it hardly counts)? How dare you go to your wife and say, in essence "Honey, I'm dying and even though you'll have a billion dollars at your disposal, I don't trust you to make good decsions for yourself or the kids. You need a man to help you."
You havenever had faith in your wife. As Jacob said, you could have hired an army to find him twenty years ago. I think you did, and you found him, and saw that he was as messed up on drugs as Helene said he was. But did you share this with Helene? Did you share with her reports of Jacob's progress into the mature man he is today? No - you kept it a secret, and kept him as an ace up your sleeve, to be revealed only when it was to your (perceived) advantage. How many years of fatherhood did you keep from Jacob, Helene and Anna? How much else did you keep from Helene? Didn't Helene have the right to know what was going on?
And now that you are sick you still play your games: Don't tell the family you're sick, they can't handle the truth. Set up a situation where Helene has almost no choice but to fall in love with Jacob again. Let the girl you raised as your own marry a jerk. Test Jacob by dangling the orphanage and the lives of poor Indian children in front of him as a carrot. Would you have helped these children at all if you weren't sick?
Jacob was doing good work in India. Not with money but with his intentions and efforts and love. Now you think that your family needs Jacob's help more than starving children? How dare you!
I am sorry for your illness, I am sorry that your billions cannot help you live another day longer. I am sorry that you must realize that rich as you are you cannot buy justice in this case.
But you treat your family aith the same contempt that the white colonizers of America and Africa did in previous centuries: "I'll take care of you, you don't know how to take cares of yourselves." The only thing that raises you above the "white master" is the fact that you do it for love, not to extract money, gems and slaves.
I wish you luck in the next life.
"You're an angry man. That's good. It gives you a lot of drive."
Jorgen,
I so appreciate your taking the time to visit our humble blog and resond to Breather. I've heard you use that line before...somewhere...can't quite place it...but thanks again and hope you are doing well.
Lee
Good to hear from Jorgen! I like breathers letter and agree on some level. But I couldn't help root for Jorgen tho i knew he was manipulating. There is something i trusted in his character that made me overlook (or ignore) his power tripping. But this letter has got me thinking....
Lee Paris (L.L.Paris???) Your photographs are just beautiful. My favorite was the bird against the sky on the branch, also the white discs,hmmmmm and the goats with laundry, was that taken in the U.S?...who are the men in the black and white photo? Intriguing, I would like to know the story behind it if you could share. Thanks for the film tips, I will try to join in on the next one.
USING CRAFTS LEM. YES JORGAN WAS MANIPULATIVE BUT IT WAS CONCERN FOR HIS FAMILY . HE CALLED HIMSELF A GOOD MAM YES I THINK HE WAS. LL YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT JORGENS LAST SCENE WERE THE SAME AS MINE. INCREDIBLE BITSIE
Hey L.L. -
You dont have a place to comment on your pictures so I'm putting it here. Both slide shows had good shots. Loved the ostrich and the sponges shots. Keep up the good work. While I'm off-topic - I also appreciate the "i just watched" and "my favorites" sections - a great help in finding movies to watch.
Lee,
{*raising glass*} Skål!
Jorgen
Thanks to everyone who has commented so far! Let me respond:
1.marc: Glad you enjoyed the film hope to hear your detailed reactions soon.
2. 'craft': Thanks for the great new abbreviation, LEM (loved every minute) I'll add it to the KEY!
3.'breather': Once again you are bowling us all over with your provacative revues. Keep em coming!!!
4.'filmluver':I feel similar to you in that I respond positively to Jorgen despite his pretty ruthless ability to control things in his world. Of course this is pure fiction and one has to give this plot a super high level of SOD (suspension of disbelief) Let's face it, (as a friend of mine Dave and I discussed yesterday over brunch) the chances of all this having worked out so well in the 'real' world are slim to none.
5.'timewilltell': I just love your name! I'm curious as to how you chose it? Thanks so much for your positive feedback on my photos. As to the story behind the blk & wht of the 2 men in the rain: Some years back when i was working as a journalist, I was assigned to do a story on municipal workers in the Boston area. During that time there was a huge rain storm, this field had become flooded and these guys were out there with giant hoses draining the flood water from key areas where the water would have damaged some lines/equip. etc. I wanted to capture their positive attitude and sense of adventure. If I recall I took the shot while standing as high up on the top of their tractor as possible.
As for
the pic of the
goats with the laundry ,it is part of a series I did documenting a tiny island in the Bahamas called Exuma on which I had the good fortune of living for a year. Over time I'll post more shots from that series.
6. 'bitsie': Happy you could join us! I too feel that ultimately Jorgen was a "good man".
7. 'jack r': The pic of the sponges is one of my personal favorites so I am pleased to hear you liked it. I actually have a large collection of what I title 'portraits of daily objects' and I will post more of those over time.
Glad to hear that my 'I just watched' list is of some value.
8. And finally, to Jorgen.
(*raising glass*).... And to you my good man,
Skal!
Well, I don't know if I cried more watching the film or reading Lee's review.
Would never have picked this film out on my own. That said, I agree with craft: LEM (Loved Every Minute).
Breather, I really enjoyed your open letter! Such a great way to encapsulate a review. :) (Btw, I'm the one who wrote as Jorgen....)
Well, what to randomly pick out from this film.... The dance scenes? Was a nice artefact of the casting that they found an actress who happened to dance as expressively as the actress who played Helene. The contrast between her, um, dazed and lackluster dancing at her daughter's wedding after arguing with Jacob and her all-out celebratory dancing with Jorgen at Jorgen's birthday party pretty much carries the progression of the storyline right there. By that point in the film, I had grown to care so much about the two characters that it was an out and out pleasure to see them both so happy.
Helene's face was so expressive, too. She could go between withering gimme-a-break looks to Jacob to incredibly tender, motherly looks toward her daughter Anna. Come to that, Jorgen's face during the dance scene at Anna's wedding was also pretty much the picture of fatherly love, too.
I suppose the scene that I was touched by the most (apart from the last scene in the bedroom between Jorgen and Helene that Lee pointed out...which really was just gut-wrenching, wasn't it) was the scene when Anna had just found out that Jorgen was dying and confronted him in the meeting room to talk about it. My boyfriend had made the comment that the character of Anna showed some lack of maturity in parts of the film. I turned that over a bit in my head, and I suppose she could be construed as being a bit short-sighted in some areas of her life. But there was a line when she was talking to Jorgen about how she wanted him to tell her about important things like whether he was dying, where she said something like, "If I knew you were dying, I wouldn't spend my time doing other things." I figure if she had that much figured out by that point in her life, it matters comparatively little what else she has left to understand. I thought the actress who portrayed Anna did a stellar job, too.
It was nice to see Anna's relationship with Jacob unfold. Here's a girl who in front of her wedding guests thanks her mother for marrying her step-father so she could have a mother and father "[just like everyone else]" (can't remember exact quote), while her biological father randomly happens to be in the audience, a man who devotes his current life to taking care of lots and lots of children who have no parents. The scene where she brought her photo album to a restaurant to show Jacob her life to that point just made me cry and cry. Where she asks if it was silly to bring the album, and Jacob responds no, that he wants to see all of it. He delivers the line so understatedly, and yet you can see everything that makes up his life and his work behind it.
It wasn't until I watched the interview with the director in the dvd extras that I even thought about whether Jorgen was manipulative in all of this. All your points were valid ones, breather, but like bitsie and filmluver, I couldn't bring myself to mind much. It was an interesting film in this way...all the main characters were by and large good people. As opposed to the previous film on this blog, _Kontroll_, where all the good characters had some share of faults, too (and all the bad characters were just bad).
NWIE - Not What I Expected: I had zero idea of what to expect.
TTTI - Time to Total Immersion: Maybe a few minutes at most.
LEM-Loved Every Minute.
Costumes: Okay, what the hell was Helene wearing at her daughter's wedding? Actually, I don't really mean that -- it looked very nice on her. Just not vegetarian, I guess. Come to that, I guess the animal trophies in Jorgen's study didn't look too vegetarian, either.
> Did the film teach me anything?
{*whooooo...*} Yeah. Was quite a brutal window into what facing death with a terminal illness can be like.
> Did the film change my
> perception of anything?
It got me to see that overprivileged fat cats are children of God too.
> What was my mood during
> the opening credits?
It was Oooh! Lee movie! Lee movie! Lee movie!
> What was my mood as the
> closing credits rolled?
It was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and kept being that for hours afterward.
> Do I consider the film to be:
> Mainstream,
> Off the Beaten Path, or
> Much Further Out There.....
Well, it's way too emotionally brutal for Hollywood fluff. I guess I'd say Off the Beaten Path.
> .....and of course the bottom
> line: DID I LIKE IT???????
LEM
By the way, timewilltell, thanks for asking Lee what the story was behind her black and white photo of the men. I wanted to know the same thing. Guess I have twelve new favorite photos in the world so far now.
Watched the film several weeks ago. Have enjoyed all the comments as well as Lee's opening reactions. Now that I finally have a few moments to post something, I find myself mostly wishing I were capable of writing something half so eloquent as the film itself. When my wife and I finished watching After the Wedding neither one of us said a thing, just couldn't. Perhaps it's being a bit older than the main characters, of an age when both family and friends have begun dropping like flies, but watching this was for us an extremely affecting experience. They sure don't make movies like this in Hollywood. I thought the entire cast was superb, barely a false note anywhere, and the script... well, what can you say? Despite the unlikely premise, this film was true, a story of redemption, but without the obligatory Hollywood happy ending. I do have to say I did not quite understand "Breather's" comments about Jorgen. Yes, there was a kind of manipulation going on - and he was taken to task for that within the film in separate scenes by Helene, Jacob and Anna. However, there was also a truly heroic quality to his actions. Yes, he was a man certainly used to making decisions affecting others, and you could look at his plans here as an attempt to control his family even from beyond the grave, yet I think it far more likely he was trying to make amends, attempting to redress his failure to introduce Jacob to his daughter, Anna, years earlier. He had obviously been afraid of Jacob then, but now his impending death -- while something he clearly fears-- has also made him brave. No, he is not a perfect man. Who is? But I believe he is as he said, himself, a good man, and his efforts to set things right before passing do not, I think, make him less admirable, quite the contrary in fact. Perhaps it's the years I spent as a priest visiting the elderly, listening to their stories and holding their hands as they died, or delivering the eulogy at my father-in-law's funeral last winter, or learning this summer my father had been given only months to live, and maybe it is simply that I am getting older myself, but sooner or later we all come to see that death is the great leveler. Would Jorgen have been a better man, a less "manipulative" person if he had simply left Jacob in India, left the daughter he had raised fatherless and all those children Jacob had cared for to end up back on the streets? No action is perfect, and as they say, "no good deed goes unpunished," but I felt Jorgen's actions were those of a man who in facing death had come to realize -- as he stated succinctly in his birthday speech -- what was important in life, and was doing his best for all those he loved. Call it manipulation if you like, but then what isn't? Ok, off my soapbox. Thank you so much, Lee, for recommending this, a film I would undoubtedly never have seen otherwise, and one that affected me more deeply than any I've seen in a long time.
OldMan -
I loved your thoughts on the film. It offered me a different perspective on it. I never thought that Jorgn might be trying to make amends and repair damage he caused by keeping Jacob away from Helene and Anna. The only part that still irks me is the deceptive way he went about it. He could have gotten all of them in a room and said: Sorry I waited so long to do this. Now let's figure out how we can be a family together. I think honesty (even if it comes 20 years late) is more empowering.
Of course, if he did that the movie woud have been about five minutes long and we all would have missed out on something beatutiful.
Breather,
I appreciate your comments and I do understand how you feel. As mentioned, my own father was diagnosed with a rare and acute form of leukemia a year ago last September. At the time he was given mere months to live. The week after his diagnosis he and my mother traveled from Florida to Chicago for our annual family reunion. He was clearly not himself. I knew something was wrong, but had no idea what it might be. Like Jorgen, he was not about to let anyone know he was dying until the last possible moment. Eventually my mother -- who did know -- let us in on what was happening, something he had "forbidden" her to do. I wasn't surprised. He has had diabetes for nearly 10 years, but refused to tell us about it until one of my brothers happened to be visiting him in hospital last summer during a knee replacement surgery and one of the nurses mentioned it. While certainly no billionaire, my father was very successful in business, and like Jorgen, was accustomed to making decisions on a daily basis that affected sometimes hundreds or even thousands of employees. To acknowledge any illness, much less something fatal, is apparently a sign of weakness in his mind. I don't really know if this has to do with generational differences, personality, or position or business mentality. All I can say is that I found Jorgen's charade eerily familiar. I don't "understand" Jorgen's actions, but I know my father would. The good news for us was that after living with this death sentence for 6 months the doctors basically said "Oops, we made a mistake!" Turned out what he has is not leukemia per se, and as a new doctor put it, he is more likely to be killed by a jealous husband that by this condition. At 81 he figures those are pretty good odds. None of this means Jorgen's actions were "right," but for obvious reasons I found them personally, if not comprehensible, nonetheless believable.
Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal and powerful experience 'oldman'. After reading your post I can certainly see why you and your wife were taken with the film. For you guys it really hit close to home. As to thanking me for bringing this movie to your attention, you are VERY welcome. My goal when I started this project was to share the experience of watching a good film with other movie lovers who might not otherwise have had the opportunity to come across it. I thank YOU for taking the time to join in and for making the conversation so dynamic.
Cherry, i loved your detailed favorite moments. I agree with so many of them. And yep, just what was Helene wearing at that wedding!? Funny that we both thought that.... I also appreciate your using the KEY so much in your comments. For some reason i find that to be really fun... like kids in a clubhouse using a secret language.
Breather, you certainly managed to stir up the waters with your letter to Jorgen!
Lastly, I was wondering if anyone else noticed this:
In the opening scenes in India, maybe less than five minutes into the film, the camera focuses briefly on people carrying an ornate flower covered platform( you don't see the body but I assume it is under the flowers)) in what appears to be a funeral procession. There is a VERY quick cut to Jorgen standing looking out his window with drink in hand and it almost seems as if he is watching the procession. I didn't notice this till the fourth viewing and I was stunned by the direct hint of what was to come and how I hadn't noticed it the first three times. I'd love to know if anyone else saw this.
I'm a bit late to the party, but thought I would chime in...I just spent at least 45 minutes reading all the incredible comments, and I greatly admire all of your passion and truly insightful reviews. Having said that, what can I possibly offer new, except some of my own opinions and thoughts: First, my feelings on whether or not Jorgen was a "good or bad" guy...Since the movie only "showed" us the present tense of Jorgen's life, I would have to conclude that despite his potential shortcomings as a "ruthless" billionaire, he clearly had become a "good" guy in the end, by literally going to the ends of the earth to help his family! It also seemed pretty clear that Jacob was no saint for most of his life either, until he found his own redemption in India...Both men seem to have found their calling in the end...Also, at first, it did seem a bit silly that Jorgen would seek out Jacob, simply because he was the biological father of Anna, (whom Anna never even knew. Why not just log onto eHarmony for Helene and find a nice compatible match)...But, clearly, Jorgen saw/knew that his wife Helene, (despite her "undying" love for Jorgen), was still latently in love with Jacob. So, as soon as he knew he was dying, he uses all his many resources to "recruit" Jacob back into Helene's life. Why take a chance on eHarmony when the perfect guy is working in an orphanage in India!?
In conclusion, I now have a very special place in my heart for this movie, not only because of its power, but also because, (as Lee can attest to), I happened to have watched this entire film with my 6-year old son on my lap. And, because he is just learning to read, I literally had to whisper in his ear ALL the dialogue, (if you recall, the film was subtitled!!)...Therefore, I not only watched the film, I spoke ALL the words to my son, and despite the "grown-up" nature of the film, (no dirty parts thankfully), my son now considers this film - "After the Wedding" - one of his favorite films...There is a piece of me that swears he actually understood and "got it", (the film), better than me...Lee, you should be proud of this wonderful blog/website, and I look forward to many more years and many more films to dissect. Marc
,
Marc,thanks for reminding me about the truly unique experience of hearing you repeat each line of this entire movie off to my right, and looking over every once in a while to see your son cuddled so cozily in your lap, you whispering softly in his ear, his quiet intense questions melting into the heat of the crackling fire,as midnight,New Years Eve 2008 came and went,. What a wonderful night, what a wonderful way to share such a powerful film.
oldman, thanks so much for sharing about your father and your insights into how he has handled illness and possible death in his life. Certainly gave me a little insight into how my own father has handled major illness in his life (much like yours: general reticence and an unwillingness to show any signs of whatever he perceives 'weakness' to be). Almost as if he thought it was some kind of unpardonable inconvenience to everyone else if he wasn't completely well. There's a part in the beginning of Camus' The Plague, isn't there, that's something like that. Let me see if I can find it:
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Something more distinctive about our town is how difficult it can be to die there. 'Difficult' is not actually the right word; it is more a question of discomfort. It is never pleasant being ill, but there are towns and countries which support you in sickness and where one can, as it were, let oneself go. A sick person needs tenderness, he quite naturally likes to lean on something. But in Oran, the extreme climate, the amount of business going on, the insignificance of the surroundings, the speed with which night falls and the quality of the pleasure, all demand good health. A sick person is very lonely here[...].
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I've never been that sick before, so I'm in no position to comment.... At any rate, long life to your father, oldman, and may he steer clear of jealous husbands for all his years to come.
Incidentally, Lee was kind enough to loan me a cd of your songs, and I've been listening to your song about fear quite a bit. It's a beautiful and honest song, and I didn't think I'd get a chance to tell you that I've gotten a lot out of it. Thank you very much for what you've created, oldman.
Lee, I hadn't noticed the cut from the funeral procession to Jorgen looking out the window. Thank you for pointing that out! The furthest I got was on the second viewing, I recognized that it was Jorgen in the window (I guess the first viewing, I didn't even know the significance of the guy they cut to and hadn't connected afterward that it had been Jorgen in those opening shots).
Marc, so my boyfriend noticed the movie was rated R, and he wondered why they would even bother rating a film like that with an R rating. I told him I could totally understand how they'd do that. Even without any overt violence or sex, that movie was more emotionally brutal than any I've seen in the longest time. Then I told him there's no way I'd let his grandkids (who are 7 and 8 years old) watch this movie. But I guess I got told different. If your 6-year-old enjoyed it and loved it, a) hats off to you for having the guts to show it to him, b) hats off to you for being willing to whisper the subtitles the whole way through to him, and c) hats off to your kid.
Um, so the only other comment I wanted to add is that I noticed a connection between this movie and the previous one on the blog, Kontroll. And that is, uh, the letter C. In Kontroll, there's a character named C (the other observer in the "railing" competition), and the new guy Tibi asks him what C stands for, and C says, "Cripple". And in After the Wedding, there's a scene where Christian first meets Jacob, and they're on the escalators, and Christian says, "Is that Jacob with a C or a K?" and Jacob says, "C," and Christian says something like, "Me too. I'm Christian with a C." So, at this point, I'm just waiting to see if Cookie Monster is going to jump out in Feed and start singing "C is for Cookie" or not.
OK Cherry, thanks for remonding me. Wht is that Christian with a C or a K thing all about? Are both spellings used? Does use of one spelling or the other indicate a different nationality or social status? Or was the character who asked the "C or K" question just trying to make conversation? (That's the main problem with foreign films for me - I know I'm missing lots of social references, but I don't know if they are important to the plot, interesting, or just thrown in.)
David, well, now, I hadn't thought of that! Um, let's see. I guess these pages on the names Christian and Jacob would indicate, at the least, that those names with a C would not be Danish and that those names with a K would be Danish. So maybe the statement was the equivalent of, 'Jakob with a K? I'm Kristian with a K, too,' in America. But I never would have gotten that far on my own. I just thought Christian was trying to make conversation.
This blog really affords the opportunity to do some interesting homework. %^D Thank you, David! Thank you, Lee!
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